you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
