Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
