You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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