Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize