i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize