I just pynch a tree in the face
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
