You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
