I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
