that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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