I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
should my penis look like a turkey
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
