I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize