I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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