I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
