I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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