Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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