Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
