Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
