Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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