It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize