tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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