No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
