He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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