He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize