I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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