too bad you live with your parents still
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
