Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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