even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
