I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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