They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
