Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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