I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
