happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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