literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
