The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
