Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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