So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
