He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
