Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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