From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
