I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
