He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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