So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
