Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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