ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
