Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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