Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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