I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize