Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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