that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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