we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
