if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
