Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize