yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
