In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
