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So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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