she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
