and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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