can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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