If i could tip my vagina, i would.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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