1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
