I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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