I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
