the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
