Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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