I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
