So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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