Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize