proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
