I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
