i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
