Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish you could order shots online.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
