you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
BRING THE BAGELS
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
