I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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