Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
