Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
