At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
